Your first question might be, ‘how do you know so much about aliens?’
The simple answer is that to the best of my knowledge, they have been in and out of my life since the very beginning and I’ve taken a keen interest in finding out why and what they’re all about.
I don’t think that the beings I have met are the only alien beings which exist and I hope my account is a positive one.
People who know me well have often jokingly remarked that they think I might be an alien in disguise, mainly because of my perpetual interest in the subject and of otherworldly ideas which can be placed under the conceptual umbrella of paranormal phenomena.
I can assure the reader that I am just an ordinary human being, not particularly exceptional. In fact, quite average in many ways with perhaps just an extraordinary story to tell and some interesting interests, but I would also say that they have rubbed off on my consciousness, helped shape my perspective on life.
I don’t mind if people think I’m crazy or deluded. That’s to be expected as a normal response to a person telling an extraordinary story, particularly one which includes meeting strangely familiar and wonderful beings over the entire course of his life.
At times I have been subjected to ridicule for my interests but mostly people are accepting and along the way I have discovered that quite a few people I know have had odd experiences of their own which are unaccountable or inexplicable.
I have some good friends who are open minded and who know my story well, some of whom also share similar interests in different aspects of the unknown and like everyone else, I have other more earthly interests.
I believe my otherworldly friends encouraged an interest in all things environmental, I think it’s one of the important aspects of their involvement with us; to see the world in different ways and to understand life in its many forms, the value of ecosystems and how their delicate interactions have created the requirements for life on which we all depend. They seem to foster an interest in nature, perhaps because they represent something from outside of our understanding.
Environmental awareness has certainly become a theme of our times following a rapid expansion of the progress of humanity through technology and science. The study of how ecosystems work has gained ground alongside the progress of technology in my own lifetime.
The others (as i like to call them) also seem to encourage creativity. Perhaps they place a value on creativity as a way to explore ideas in the same way we humans do. Art can ask many questions both directly, indirectly and symbolically. Also being able to work on multiple levels, art can work at a subconscious level where the effects cannot so easily be seen or felt.
All forms of creative expression can do this; writing, poetry, sculpture, music, painting, dance, etc can help us see things from alternative perspectives, ones which we had not considered before or that are different from our own. Art can discuss ideas which are difficult to articulate and can deal with experience from a personal perspective, one in which others can share.
I like to create art in a variety of forms when I have the opportunity and time. I also write poetry and music for fun and as a way of exploring my own experience. I also enjoy picnics, spending time with friends, walking, watching films and taking photographs of all sorts, people, places, reflections in glass and water and especially, very small things which reveal details, the eye alone cannot see.
I live in East London where I’ve been for 12 years and feel at home in the busy metropolitan hub, home to a global population. More outward looking, diverse and with increased opportunity for an animation producer than the relatively small and relaxed city of Liverpool where I grew up.
The (others) involvement in my life has left a deep imprint upon my outlook and i’ve developed some interesting ideas as a result. I think they’ve helped lead me to a few discoveries of my own which may be interesting to those interested in aspects of ESP, the scientific fields of animal intelligence, some physics which I don’t fully understand and of course for those who doubt my experience; psychology.
But they also perhaps lent a sense of perspective and gave me a nudge towards understanding what earth is how we fit into it.
I became increasingly interested in the web of nature and ideas like Gaia from my teenage years and was always inspired by the views of earth from space which show it as a whole.
Gaia states that Earth is a living system, self sustaining and self regulating as a complete being composed of it’s many living species, working together in balance to sustain the conditions required for life.
It demonstrated to me, the processes of evolution in constant progress. Without a need for the world to have intelligence, human beings seemed to me to have emerged as a kind of global consciousness. This idea fascinates me and is one which has helped me see how we fit into the body of earth.
Others would say that we’re a virus or an infection. I think we’re more in the model of a growing mind, which like all growing minds, develops through stages, first being very self centred and unaware of other minds, but slowly realising that it has a role to play in the bigger picture of life and learning from experience that it’s mistakes can be rectified in order to achieve a better balance.
This balance which civilisation seems to have upset became a concern which has affected the ideas I have and have contributed to the work I have been involved in. Of course, some would say that they don’t need outside perspectives to work out how humanity has become out of balance with nature but it’s something that stuck with me as I’ve watched the continual decimation and pollution of the natural world within my own brief lifetime.
I am not a scientist. I’m not even particularly academic but I do have an ongoing interest in scientific ideas and an equal fascination with evolution and the historical culture of humanity.
Cosmology and the stars, the processes of matter, the different elements cooked up in the explosions of dying stars and molecules forming from these elements in combinations which lead to life I find a beautifully poetic story.
How things work at the cellular level and how all things on earth emerged from very simple bacterial lifeforms leading to the myriad processes of biology all seemed to make perfect sense to how we became the millions of related species we see today.
The fantastic ideas of physics which give us the ability to work out our history and show us paths to answer the riddles of reality which we have yet barely gleaned. Like extra dimensions and things like strings.
In addition to a wide interest in the expressive arts which has helped me in many ways of expressing this set of recollections.
How else could I articulate a story which had no words, which I could barely remember happening, laying buried until much later in my life when I would recover my earliest experiences and come full circle to face my childhood friends aged 35.
Why am I even bothering to tell this story ? I have recollections of interactions with friendly beings who are not only intelligent and fully conscious like us, but are compassionate & emotional beings who care for our well being, having a deep interest in our collective development as a related conscious species.
They also have a somewhat vested interest in our planets’ welfare as a bounty of precious life in need of cultured gardeners and guardians. I wanted to explore what it meant as it seemed that they have messages and I began to remember that I agreed to take part in a project they have been seemingly rolling out for aeons through the generations. It seemed also that they have been trying to subtly guide us as a teacher would a child.
They want us to learn for ourselves for that is the best way to fully understand which paths to take. They seem full of clues to assist our development as a species and as a planet. Evolution as we know it makes perfect sense, but as we are unaware of how evolution might occur in other places, we are not well placed to say we know how it may be part of something bigger and that evolution may be different in other places or the same but at different stages in other worlds.
The most striking aspect of my episodic interactions with the ‘others’; my friends, is how they shifted my consciousness so that I became who I was, partly by their very presence. That might sound like an overblown statement but I believe it to be true and I’m sure there are many others who feel the same. It’s not been always been an easy task to manage and there have been times when I thought life would be much easier without them but I feel grateful and lucky to have taken up their challenge, agreed to take part in their celestial games. They always seemed to have a genuine care for our collective lives, as if they excitedly want us to share in their majestic wonder of the Universe and its many secrets.
My internal development was influenced by them in such a profound way that I have gone on to explore many aspects of reality from a perspective of acceptance of the unknown; above all else, how nature, our world, the cosmos and indeed consciousness intertwines and is bound. all that is and can be, experienced through consciousness, eventually becoming for me, the only boundary to perception.
Their influence has led me to investigate aspects of human experience which lie at the edge of ordinary experience but which I have found to be at the very core of existence. This seemed one of their important lessons for us.
Telepathy and precognition were some of my initial investigations, the former coming straight from my communications with beings who could connect in thought and answer questions immediately as they formed in my growing mind. The latter coming from a sense which I seemed to have developed through contact with them, that they may have encouraged in me or that I fortunately possessed and one which would led me down a sometimes lonely childhood path.
During my early school years, I became unsettled by an uncanny ability to predict events before they happened. Not just single events, often sensing a wider picture emerge of situations before they happened. I turned inwards developing a deep inner life, learned to meditate and to be reassured that my ‘vivid imagination was to become one of my most useful assets. I simply knew the outcome of events before they happened, often when the situation was weeks and months ahead and sometimes when I just knew bad things were going to happen. It became an isolating experience which I learned to switch off during my primary school years, but something I began to understand and open out again in my late teens.. A gift which would stand me in good stead once I learned to trust in it. A sense of intuition would describe well the feelings I had, of people and their motives.
I became a good judge of character and often felt others feelings as if they were my own. I began to learn to read people and know when they were hiding things. I could feel hidden emotions and thoughts and it was sometimes amusing, but other times sad and frustrating.
I’m no perfect being, I know where at least some if not all of my faults are, I’ve looked into the mirror and deep into the dark pit and there’s no experience like it. I’ve had periods in my life when I’ve felt alienated by my seemingly unique experience and I have experienced loneliness, ridicule, exasperation, frustration..However, when I reached out in search of confirmation, I found it in the countless testimonies by others, experiencing many similar events to my own and I didn’t feel alone anymore.
I found out that I was not alone and learned that my search for confirmation of their existence was a route that many others were treading, had trodden and would follow like a well worn path. I came to understand a bigger picture of experience for humanity, for life and for planet earth. I eventually decided I’d write it down for others to share. I even thought there might be a functional usefulness in what I had discovered if only to make sense of why I had said yes, when they asked me all those years ago if I’d like to be part of a project.
I believe I’ve met beings so much closer to perfection than ourselves, that to be in their presence is like experiencing pure love and hard to step away from. It sounds almost religious.. when I was very small, I was convinced I knew what angels really looked like…not humans with wings but majestic insect like beings made of light..
I felt I knew that people had chosen to make angels in their own image as a comfort to themselves..
I later came to realise that these beings were not mythical angels but real creatures emanating from higher dimensions to be with us, have been with us and will continue to be with us for as long as we exist.. Maybe then, they are akin to angels.
I’m not a religious person but I have developed a strong sense of spirituality throughout my life and I kind of believe that the concept of God is a useful one, something we may never fully understand but I always thought of the analogy that if the universe was one huge super being, then stars are it’s atoms, planets are it’s electrons and we are ideas in the mind of something so large it escapes our notice. Until we dream that is.
I realised that the enlightenment movement was a good way to rid the world of needless superstition but it also seemed to threaten to kill off peoples sense of spirituality completely. All things seem to eventually make sense and I was hoping that by writing this, I would help myself come full circle in balancing knowledge with a sense of the spiritual universe.
It can be lonely at times, often amongst people, who are so wrapped up in material interests, when such pure feeling has been felt directed at one’s mind. At other times, and often alone or in natures quietness, delicate triggers have remind me from a deeper sense of self how beautiful the very nature of existence is and how unique each life lived really is. How each life lived by every being contributes towards a universal experience.
Simple experiences like watching flying insects and to feel sunbeams, warm air and the scent of blossom all the while knowing that we are not alone, not even in our endless thoughts; that there are millions of other inhabited worlds, that there are forces out in the greater realm of nature who know of our struggle and experience the sadness and our joy along with us, as us and within us. At these times, like now..I feel a certain peace as I think of their smiling, loving eyes gazing out upon our short, delicate, fragile lives.
For a long time I wanted to tell my story but I was missing lots of pieces, it felt incomplete but over the last couple of years I had explored poetry and music to a deeper level alongside writing, lucid dreams and some direct portraiture in sculpture.
It was only in 3 dimensions that I felt I could capture froglet’s features after many insubstantial drawings were made. Froglet is a being whom I met in 2005 as a result of a direct request for contact, albeit in an out of body state…which was the only way I could experience such a meeting without fear of near death by shock!
When I met froglet, so called for (his) amphibious features I immediately felt a spark of deep recognition, as if we had met before, and over the next few months, I recalled in detail our childhood bonding, through a series of images. It might help to add that as the son of two artists I have a keen interest in drawing. I grew up to be an animation producer after my many explorations into dance, drama, poetry and music.
I was lucky to be taught as one of the first generation of desktop publishers and although I might not have studied very hard in college, (mostly because my interests at that time were making electronic music and my interest in ufo’s was burgeoning) but I did get quite deeply into computer graphics and taking photographs and this eventually led me to a path of multimedia which allowed me to explore visually, many avenues of ideas and give me the freedom to explore ideas which eventually led me to these words and pictures.
I was always interested in stories. Old tales, new tales…rich complex or simple stories, real or fictional they always enabled me to learn something new. I read avidly from a young age and was fascinated in the the way stories transported me outside of myself into other worlds, other lives and other times, some completely created and others based on factually true events. I felt that stories were at the core of our experience as humans. Our recorded history seemed to repeatedly show us the same things which we need to learn as we travel along our shared and individual paths in life.
And this I felt each persons life was a complete story. Perhaps why it is so often said that there is a book in everyone, because each persons life is a story. Their story.
After the event of meeting Froglet in 2005 I was determined to recover lost fragments and I took to my pencil in a state of relaxation and let the images come forward from the very recesses of my mind. I used sketchbooks to draw out subconscious memories and recovered with some difficulty lost pieces from early on. These drawings very gently emerged as delicate pencil lines and they took a long time to complete each one.
The sessions could take perhaps a couple of hours for one small scene which uncovered glimpses of others, which begin to be recalled with clarity. It was at first a very difficult emotional experience as the drawings came to life. Not for the content of the drawings, for they were as extraordinary in their familiarity as they were clear as memories of events, but for the actual emotional difficulty of recapturing lost time and realising these events were locked away in the back of my mind, had happened in the real world, albeit with an altered sense of time and space and forgotten about, while they had help shape who and what I had become without my full awareness of those changes within me.
Committing the lines to the paper was really hard and is quite difficult to describe. Feelings of loneliness and a deep sadness came over me as I recalled the feeling of secrecy which accompanied my nocturnal meetings, but evaporated just as quickly and with a feeling of comfort when I had finished looking at them in my newly etched long forgotten childhood world.
It felt as though I was capturing moments outside of time which happened in the real world, within a miniature time bubble, the clock standing still, created by them for the purpose of my experience while not disturbing my parents sleep at night and I think now, so as not to alter any other real world experience. They are like waking dreams but with a real sense of being there.
I began to accept that this was an agreement I had made with them when I was a child, that I would forget most of what happened until I was a fully grown man, when I would be able to understand, process and maybe understand enough to communicate what had been happening. I began to remember that there was a sense of purpose about what had happened. I had agreed to learn the things which would later facilitate my understanding of my story. We had discussed what course I would follow.
The drawing that I wasn’t expecting to see emerge was a very young version of myself being taken quietly from my cot by a large cloaked being while my teddy bear lay still in the bed. Perhaps this was my earliest recollection of them, it triggered a lot of other memories from my toddler years and through infant school.
Happy fun memories; a James & The Giant Peach type recollection, which of course upon reading, became a peaceful confirmation that such things could and indeed did ocassionally happen to pass. I became aware that Roald Dahl had a special place in the generation of my peers. It was through his writing and that of others that I came to rest easy, knowing that James & the Giant Peach was a fascimile of my own story so far.
That big friendly bugs could indeed interact with small children without anyone being aware of the facts and contrary to popular opinion some insects, albeit not quite real, magical ones, were in fact rather interesting characters with a warmth and humour seldom noticed.
45 Prince Alfred Road, where most of my early experiences happened is a very special place. A most beautiful Edwardian period house, on the crest of a bend of a quiet road, part of a smart terrace of 7 houses facing the ‘Mystery’; a not quite park with an unknown patronage, a gently rolling hill descending a few metres overs a mile or so. The misty views of the Cathedrals of Liverpool and The Tower restaurant beacon accompanied by an extended view of the snow capped Welsh, not quite mountains, Moel Famau and Moel Findeg.
I found out in the local library that it had been a vicarage for most of it’s life, a succession of local clerics had inhabited it’s wide still space, according to the deeds. I always felt watched in that house as if the inhabitants of the past remained there. Not an uncomfortable feeling, but there was a period when I did become afraid to walk around in the dark, a period when I was around six that repeatedly insisted to my father that he must buy a shotgun and shoot the awful owl who cooed at the back of the house. I was quite serious.. I didn’t like the back bedroom on the second floor, I felt it was unsafe and I knew there had been a very old graveyard in it’s place, re-consecrated when the houses were built.
I still miss that house for it’s generosity and dignity and although as a small boy was sometimes afraid of it’s quiet darkness, learnt to love it’s silence and solidity, secure on both sides like a cocoon. Several steps up to floral deco surrounded lead glass set door leading into a large vestibule like an elegant hotel lift, into a cavernous hall with a wide open stairway, big rooms which taught me about the values of classical proportion.
A very quiet & dark Edwardian terrace set across 3 floors with elegant proportions and generous heights. I later found it had been a vicarage for most of it’s history, inhabited by a string of vicars, I think who ministered either the Holy Trinity church on Church Road where I was christened age 5, a classical temple style building or more likely, the dark spooky Victorian church with steep dark crypt on Hunters Lane at the back of the house.
I remember my first visit to Prince Alfred Road.
A trip on a sunny day in the buggy across a wide open park and approaching a big dark dusty house with a pointy roof, where my mum and dad were looking to buy. The old couple were small and he had a stoop. The house was dusty, really old fashioned and very dark. It seemed to go on forever down a dark hallway and when we emerged into the light kitchen at the back, I was startled by the size of the plate of jam butties, - open style sandwich with jam and butter, which the old lady offered to my brother and I.. thinking we couldn’t possibly eat them all. I remember wondering where they would live when we moved in. My mum had re-assured me they would be going to live with their son.
I remember my dad sanding the floors in Prince Alfred circa 1972, the sawdust was everywhere and the monstrous machine which I thought might eat me if my dad let go of it had a noise like an aeroplane right inside the house. The wooden parquet floors were laid herringbone and I felt very privileged to walk upon them. When I started school the very first thing I noticed was the similar flooring to my own home. It felt comfortable and comforting to walk on the same herringbone floors which I learned gave them a strength similar to the traditional style of building bricks in a wall.
I remember my mum finishing making and then putting up the top set of red courdrouy curtains above the main curtains on the bay window and thinking that looked great. Really snug and the red was just luscious and like a theatre. It was a stage I would later use for many a surprise jumping out and a curved walkway for sneaking around like a cat. Later on, when I needed to feel really safe and quiet, I would twirl myself around inside the large red curtain until it tightened so that I couldn’t move or hear a thing.
The house was a special place, and my mum and dad both loved it’s unique quiet grandness. I lived there until I was 15 years old and continued to dream about it for many years when I left. I would dream it’s every detail as if I still lived there.. I knew every corner, every creak and every crack on all of it’s three quiet floors.
The alien beings I met when I was very young were to occur throughout my life in episodic visits, I considered them friends and recognised them as so, but they were not the only ones I encountered.
A singularly different ‘creature’ visited me during this early period. I will revisit this encounter later.
I think I have also encountered the familiar greys. I say I think I have, I’m pretty sure I blocked them out and my friends, the others I’m sure were aware of their presence in my life. I wasn’t always sure if they were different aspects of the same beings, but now I think I know that the greys are something different and i’m not sure they experience feelings in the way we do, so I think I might have kept them behind a big grey blank canvas. I have read a lot about the greys and their encounters with humans…i think the teller of the story always relates something deep about their own psyche in relating their feeling towards them.
I know some people reading this would think that I’ve cobbled the story together from my many years of research into the subject…yes I am a bit of an expert now in terms of the history of ufos but my deep interest in the themes presented predate my ufo research and knowledge of UFOs by many years.
I was always just seeking confirmation…i eventually received the direct confirmation I needed.. I asked for it and they gave it but as a child, I was anyhow fascinated by ESP, precognition, dreams and meditation.. long before I was aware of the very adult themes of abduction and secret projects to investigate the nature of ufos, which had been occurring since way before I was born.
I always felt protected too, as if someone, knew I was having my experiences. As if I had come up on someone’s radar. I think my mum knew all along. I was a partially gifted child.
When I started school aged 4 with a very advanced reading capacity my mum later told me that the school informed her that they were obliged to keep a special record of my progress.
I later came to think that this perhaps signalled to someone somewhere that I had been contacted and was partly responsible for my early development in speech and words. My grandfather thought my ability to read aged 3-4 was a trick, my mother convinced him otherwise by asking me to read from his newspaper.. which I duly would. He was a down to earth and commonsense man. He had travelled the world in his tank during world war 2, has seen the full horror of war and made it home in one piece to live a quiet life, raise a family, become a boiler engineer in a large factory. He was a gifted pianist and he possessed of a michievous sense of humour.
He was Initially quite shocked at my ability to read and my mum said quite astounded, but we nonetheless became very good friends..Pop knew I was different and he grew to love me for my special skills..i always felt very welcome in his world. Experienced in the horrors of war and unable to talk about it, perhaps he sensed my different life was something internal which I could not talk about either. For he would never talk about the awful things that happened to him in his tank.
We played games and he was a trickster, he had an interest in information and statistics which I think I inherited..a capacity for remembering the most interesting and often useless facts and figures. The day he died I meditated deeply and tried to see if I could find him…He came to me in conscious form and I heard him saying how he was astounded at how he never knew about any of this and how surprised that Aud’ (my mum) and the boys knew so much about it all. I knew what he meant…he blew a signature raspberry in my ear..(for I have never before or since had an auditory hallucination as i’m sure some would call it..) to signal his presence and he added the end note that, he’d keep those bloody thieves away from my door.. (at the time we’d had a spate of attempted burglaries.. our house at the time was a live / work unit in |Hackney East London, it contained everything we had….our business and all of it’s equipment…if we lost it to burglars, we would have had nothing,)…an animation studio seemed a fitting vocation for such interesting experience to be played out on…the language of dreams.
Of course my younger brother was involved. He had almost the same avid interest in the subject and had recollections of strange events in our childhood, but he wasn’t as interested in finding out about what had happened to him, for I think he feared what he would discover. I think that’s also true of my older brother, who I had often chided for being afraid of the aliens..
I think the others’ might be responsible for my deepest fears in some way but I’m not quite sure yet whether this is the greys unflinching purpose or the others, being one and the same thing,. I think that the reason they’re weird and scary (the greys) is they are a kind of clone or robotic lifeform which is truly alien to us and makes us naturally feel that they’re unnatural and that may just be a cultural bias or an inherent feature of being a human faced with something unimagined as life, but I don’t remember much about them and i’m sure they are very distinctly different types of creatures from the others, who seem to have very similar human or at least personable inclinations.
Perhaps it is all the same experience with different faces or aspects..Perhaps time will tell.
I’m still not sure it’s that simple but It’s these special beings who I honour this tale with and perhaps a few others who i’ve met along the way including ‘The Mengus’ whom I met in a special dream. I will recount them all. By the time i’ve finished writing this, I think i’ll have a clearer picture..one memory triggers another and soon a cascade emerges of things left untold. So partly writing this is an experiment in recall and memory, it will no doubt take a great deal of editing to make sense.
I will probably repeat myself a few times before the story and it’s chapters are clear. Even as I write this, life still goes on and things may change as I understand a clearer picture.
Special dreams have formed a vibrant part of my development at all stages of life from the earliest series of dreams about cattle mutilations and being captured by witches, but also stretching later in life to include conversations with dead friends and relatives, experiences of dreams within dreams, and weeks spent within one dream, literally waking up to realise a trip to the Far East, including all the really boring bits of wondering what to do with the next 6 hours before you go to this conference, all the while noticing the small cultural differences in a foreign place, so beloved to the tourist in far flung places, going back to a hotel on a tram, then going to bed in a strange hotel room after looking out through a plate glass window to the 20th floor view of an incredible crimson city sunset….was just a dream you just woke up from.
Dreams which repeat themselves within dreams, that’s a hard one to experience, like a horror movie where an unseen antagonist relentlessly pursues you all night long.. Future dreams of people later met and formed relationships with. Mundane dreams of the future, with boring but accurate details, often from an elevated eye dream view. Their purpose seems to pose more questions, the other more emotive future dreams are haunting and were at the time very compelling evidence to me of the untapped power of our sleeping minds,; to travel through space time in our sleep..
I eventually looked deeper into the physics of reality and I found a whole new sphere of reference which gave me clues as to what my friends were really about, why they were here and what they meant to give us..primarily lessons in reality and an increased ability to influence the material world through the power of intention or thought.
IQC, Intentional quantum collapse is a term I coined to describe consciously altering reality, small bits at a time, which i’ll get onto later. These are some of the insights which hallmark my experience and have forged themselves into my life. An interest in microscopes, art and biology also seems to naturally follow from my earliest experience. I spent a lot of time collecting and studying beetles as a small child.. particularly fascinated by black beetles and their devils coachhorse larvae, even more so by the small golden ones, so reminiscent of my night friends. Although at the time, I was not aware of this, it now feels like I was attempting to study them too, perhaps I was way off the mark but I was convinced of their insect origins and so began my own study.
I wanted to know what they were all about…i did my own version of creating small worlds to study…an early coup was to successfully breed ladybirds, a firm favourite in my nature study. Mrs Jolly, my infant school teacher and a very kind woman heard about my endeavour and asked me to bring them in to school and explain what I had done..which I did.. the other kids seemed entertained and everyone wanted to do it too.
I was quite advanced for the class. Although I was one of the youngest in the class, it was I who supervised the not so able pupils in simple things like toilet, shoelaces and ties..i was naturally given responsibility and went on to become the biscuit monitor and later a prefect..
In primary school this carried a real sense of responsibility and made a small boy feel like a sheriff, partly inspired by the similar shield shaped badge which would stop smaller children in their tracks as they ran along the corridors.
I remember feeling rather disappointed that the only real ‘work’ when I first started school was to write today’s day in the work book, then disassemble to play cars in the sand pit..i was the first free reader in my class. I quickly skipped through peter and jane books of the yellow series, then galloped through red, blue and green series on the classroom shelf to be told that I could now read anything I want. I felt a sense of achievement and knew that the teacher always expected more of me.
I felt very grown up, at ease in a world of adult chat and a little uncomfortable with some of my peers who seemed to be still babies. Of course we soon find our level..there were a few bright ones to befriend..they became my primary buddies and a couple of them are still with me to this day….
at school in other ways I was ordinary and sometimes quite slow…my writing was terrible and all the way into secondary school I would often be last to finish a writing exercise but often the first to finish a test..the handwriting difficulty was a fact which I correctly put down to my left handedness.
Such awkard scraping movements. In fact I often wrote in mirror writing and this concerned my teachers who thought there might be something wrong with me..it soon ironed out although my poor handwriting never really left me..when I learned to type, it was like a freedom to express in a way I hadn’t felt before.. my hands could never keep up with my speed of thought but with a keyboard it was different.
I could soon type at thinking speed so would whizz along not bothering too much about mistakes, coming back to fix them later. My spelling ability was as good as my reading. My final report from primary school read spelling age 15..i was ten and quite proud. I remember becoming aware of my left handedness as a difference…i was aware my mind worked in different ways.. what I found difficult others found easy, like handwriting and long sums, which I could arrive at different answers every time…but what others found difficult, like pronouncing long words, reading, spelling and dancing was natural for me.
I’ll explain how I learnt to lucid dream in an attempt to meet the aliens face to face, which I did, albeit veiled. It’s been a metaphysical experience all along and not normal in the way normal reality is.
I mean it’s just not viable to sit on your bed in your bedroom but be surrounded by the stars in close proximity without walls. But it is viable to meet another person from somewhere else in an out of body or dream state.
I mean like a really cool projector from the future might be able to do that, but as a child this is accompanied by a being whose voice and big eyes emanate waves of love whilst appearing like a 700 year old queen ant with a portal in her chest, who apparently can answer any question no matter how difficult to the satisfaction of a four year old boy with a most curious nature. And i’m asking serious four year old questions, like why are there so many stars, why are they even there anyway and why are they all so very far away.
It seemed exactly what it was. That’ s really what they look like and they can project images in my mind, probably while i’m flat out asleep lucidly but unaware that I was dreaming the whole event. Wouldn’t my mum heard us talking or was it real in a 4d way, just quiet and using telepathy to chat?
I never worked out how real, it was. That is interesting but there are lots of variations and it’s only the framework for the mechanism that delivers the message so not the main meaning.
I like story..
The thing I think which is interesting about the whole experience is that it feels it’s of our age, relevant in so many ways to understanding who and what we are, how to survive and continue to evolve without wholesale destruction of our world and it’s rich diversity. I’m not alone. I’ve met so many people along the way who are incredible in their experiences and integration of them. I’ve met a few special people too, I won’t embarrass them here but have a look in the special thanks list, they’ll all be in there.
On meeting froglet I was impressed, astounded and quite in awe. Then It dawned on me that this was the trembling little thing who I had become good friends with when I was small. He, I think it’s a he had grown but was still small. The same height as me sat down on a sofa. He had grown but I could see he was still a junior.. and what seemed to inspire awe in me is that he had indeed developed far beyond me at 35.. it felt like here was a being still in a child state who had a long way to go.. there was a realisation in me that there was something of me within him in perhaps the way something of him and them had grown inside of me.
He felt like kin, a spiritual twinning or that we had rubbed off something of our own esssence to the other. He seemed to understand what I was feeling and without words made me understand that he had come to say hello but also goodbye. I felt sad that we may not meet again for a very long time and was reminiscent of their episodic involvement in my life. Here stood a being of light, with visible skeleton and muscle. A glowing irridescence all over him and with a twinkle in his eyes at my jaw dropped amazement at seeing him. Lets start at the beginning of this chapter which occurred in 2005.
I was on holiday with my then girlfriend of 5 years, staying in a small house on the island of ibiza.
Her grandfather had recently died and we were staying at his house which was soon to be sold. One she had known all of her life and a last visit for her.. At the end of a quiet road up a hill above a small holiday town it was peaceful and very quiet. Next door to the left an older couple were staying. I had decided I was ready to meet the others face to face. We had been out for a meal and retired to bed early. It was very dark and very quiet. I had asked Zara to come and sit on the roof and watch the stars, look for ufo’s. she declined and I didn’t feel like going on my own. She had told me that when she was younger she had watched a silver ball hang still in the air while with her mum while on the roof at the house, that they were scared by it but had never really given in much thought. That night a few hours later I awoke in the room.
There was an incredible feeling of electricity in the air. The room was literally buzzing and my whole body felt filled with static. It was unlike anything I had heard and was disconcerting. It felt like a huge spaceship was sitting above the roof and I was scared. So scared that I couldn’t move from the bed. I looked out of the louvre slats on the shuttered windows and there was an intense strobing white light. It reminded me of a scene from close encounters and I thought there was now a spaceship in the garden. It was an intense strobing and seemed like it was in the vicinity. I looked at the bottle of water next to me, too k a drink and splashed some water on my chest to make sure I was not dreaming. I then noted the exact amount of water in the bottle so as to check in the morning that I hadn’t been dreaming. I felt scared and I laughed at myself inside that this was my big chance to meet my friends face to face and I was so full of dread that I thought I would have dropped dead if I saw them. I felt that if I could move I would probably not come back and this made me sad. The intensity of the static in the room scared me some more and I decided to go back to sleep, instead try and meet in an out of body state, which I instinctively felt would not have the accompanying physical shock.
Next thing i’m awake again, except this time the buzzing had gone and the room was clear as if no air was present. I felt that this must have been an out of body state. This time I knew what to do, the fear had subsided. I said out loud, they’re here and looked at zara. She was in a deep sleep. I stood up and walked naked through the room to the living room. I sat on the sofa and waited a moment. The large curtains which covered the patio style door twitched. Then a small figure emerged slowly from behind the curtain and stood in front of me about 6-8 feet away. I was stunned. It stood and looked at me, quite still.. my jaw dropped and I just looked at it, drinking in the very detail of it’s being. I studied it with every drop of my concentration as I looked it over, noticing all the small details of it’s body and face.
It’s incredibly beautiful eyes and t’s delicate skeleton reminded of a bipedal humanoid froglet. I eventually raised my left hand as if to indicate a stunned hello and left it hanging there. Froglet replied by mirroring me and raised it’s hand, then after a moment wiggled it’s fingers as if to indicate that I hadn’t completed the wave..i felt an idiot and wiggled my fingers…hello.. it then made the same jawdropped face with it’s tiny mouth and I broke into a smile which it met with a tiny gesture.. this was stunning to me.. I was saying hello to an alien being and I was behaving like a total dork, although it felt like froglet could feel everything I was feeling and suitably understood why my reaction was so stilted.. as I kept studying him, he became familiar. It began to feel like we knew each other deeply and I felt a pang of longing, a loneliness or a sadness but with all the joy of seeing a long lost friend.
This was the being I had played with as a boy, the frail little creature who had been so afraid of my touch as I had been of theirs. It felt like he was somehow saying he had to go and this was a kind of goodbye. I was in a heightened emotional state filled with a deep sense of sadness, joy and elation. There was no need for words. Feelings were communicated through a sense of mind. I started to speak, trying to say hello, at that point I felt a yank on my arm and was pulled out of the room back to the bedroom to awake back in my body in bed .. zara was trying to wake me and I was trying to talk in my sleep but not actually making any sense. This had woken her and I told her what had happened. We went back to sleep and that was it.. I have never before or since had a clearer or more profound experience. After many drawings I found a piece of chalk in a river bed which looked like an alien head while out on a cycle ride with friends along the river Thames one evening.. I said immediately to my friends, I know what that’s going to be, they tutted and made mock faces as they saw what I had in my hand.. after many hours and weeks with a butter knife and a gift of some basic sculpting tools from my brother I held in my hand a portrait of the head of a small chalky white alien being called froglet.
It captured an essence which the drawings could not.. my only regret, that I didn’t manage to capture the delicate nub of his nose or his wry and very small smile. I did not capture adequately the beauty of the shape of his eyes but I still look at it and think, I did my best to sculpt a wondrous being whom I felt like I had known for a long time..
description of froglet.. about 4 feet tall, with a large head and a small body. Mischievous eyes, large black and shiny. The most beautiful shape which didn’t quite wraparound to the sides of his head.
The pips of his eyes extended down towards the centre of his face in what I can only describe as elegant. They had the look of a hamsters eye or a frog. Slightly bulbous and very direct in their blackness. A small bump in the middle of his head gave him the look of a cetacean, like a beluga whale or dolphin. I thought he must have an extra lobe to his brain in there. I don’t recall ears but he was standing facing me so there might have been. A small nub of a nose but I couldn’t see nostrils. Perhaps they were there located underneath.
A small mouth with almost vestigial lips. A mouth which could move and smile a wry smile. Small shoulders and to my amazement a very delicate skeleton similar to a human with collar bone and shoulder sockets visible, a slender musculature.
A thin body but not skinny with a straight torso and no pinched waist. Slim straight hips and slender legs. I couldn’t see toes but it looked like he wore a suit on his small feet. I think, and I say I think because i’m not absolutely sure but long hands with long fingers, boneless and hydraulic looking, four fingers without need for a thumb as the fingers seemed hypermobile and could extend in all directions. This I noticed when he waved them. I have a vague memory of small suckers on the ends of his fingers like an octopus, very delicate at the same place we would have a fingerrpint. The most strange thing about him was his colour and texture, chalk white with an irridescent glow, as if covered in a sheen of oil, the rainbow colours delicately superimposed upon his white skin. It was as if a force field surrounded him or a dimensional sheath.
He was very cute and quite beautiful. Rather like a child, very different from the older, large light tan coloured papery skin being I had met when I was small but with a similar face. She I seemed to remember had fingers like long black claws. I thought that perhaps he was some kind of hybrid being and had some human genetic qualities mixed in with their own. It felt like I was looking at a relative, I felt kinship and his placid nature seemed borne of wisdom and intelligence. He moved very slowly from the edge of the curtain to stand directly in front of me. We were at the same eye level as I sat on the couch. I was naked and felt completely at ease as if in the presence of an animal.
The impact of his image stayed with me and I think of him often. I can see him as I write this description and the image has only faded slightly. I was completely captivated and seized the chance to study his physicality. I was absorbed in this wondrous sight and I knew it was a real and rare privilege to be so close. The feeling I got was that this child being was so intelligent that I could not fully comprehend it. Although I guessed we were of a similar age, he was still a toddler in his world, I a fully grown man yet, sensed that his toddler abilities were so far in advance of us that I was spellbound, awestruck and quite amazed. I think this is what they have to offer us in part. Their knowledge and ability is almost magical and this is apparent from meeting. No demonstration required. It made me think how perhaps cats and dogs might wonder at our seemingly incredible dexterity and their love for us can be unconditional perhaps with the same awe I felt when I met froglet.
I eventually recollected scenes from early childhood. In my bedroom in prince alfred road, It had been suggested by the large being that I give him one of my toys in an attempt to get the shaking leaf of a child to trust in me. In my boisterous laughter and physicality. I decided that the baby giraffe which my brother owned would be a perfect gift as it was the weirdest animal I could think of and seemed a fitting gift.
My brother owned a good collection of small plastic safari animals. I had a collection of farm animals. I retrieved the baby giraffe from my brothers animal box when he wasn’t looking and thought he’d hardly notice. When I gave it to him, I felt guilty as I had stolen it, although I’m sure Adam would understand, but I replaced it the very next time we visited the museum shop which was probably the next weekend. I asked my dad for a baby giraffe from the shop which he indulged and which was newer and more colourful than the one I gave froglet. I replaced it at the bottom of the animal box with it’s mum without Adam ever suspecting anything. I think !
Another thing that this enabled me to recollect as one memory triggers another is the large being standing behind me and me sitting as if in a barbers or a dentists chair. Her arms wrapped around me we would enter a trance like state and it was a warm feeling. I think this was part of their way of investigating my feelings and thoughts and perhaps a way to impart some energy to me. I always felt very comfortable in the barbers chair. I think it reminded me of this type of event and often felt very relaxed having my haircut, I felt like i could stay there all day.. And I felt comfortable in the dentists chair as I think this was something that I had become used to as a positive experience.
I am sure they examined me in a similar way but it’s not something I have fully recovered. I know in some abduction cases, skeptic psychiatrists have suspected child abuse as the real cause of remembered examinations by aliens but I am fairly sure I was never abused by anyone or anything. I never remember being abducted, I think I had always given my consent to be looked at or prodded or sampled but I do remember walking hand in hand with a large being down dark winding corridors which seemed like an experience of a fairground ride. Not quite real but perhaps just outside of a normal environment.
I have described this event before in my notes but I will recall it again here. I remember the first time I was fully aware that she touched me with her large black fingers. I was a real shock as she placed her hand on my shoulder and her hand in mine. Spine tingling, shivering shock but she knew how I felt. I must have been 2 or 3. she said in my mind, it’s ok just look into my eyes and as I looked into her large black eyes, it seemed like waves of gold, pure love emanated from her and calmed me. It made me think of the shock a small wild mouse must feel when handled by a person. It’s tiny heart beating as the creature instinctively feels it’s about to die in the hands of a large predator. It doesn’t know that the person may not mean it any harm but unlike her, we can’t convey that information to it and certainly can’t calm a small animal with the light from our eyes.
The thing that I always remember most is how human her inner voice and manner where, which seemed incongruous in her insect looking face but it was a wise, smiling, knowing caring manner, that of an older lady. Her sense of humour was distinct and fun and this was perhaps the way that I accepted that they were not just ok but really cool to be with. Who else can answer almost any question I could pose, often before even fully articulated in my own mind. That kind of mental assistance was precious to me and it engendered a sense of respect and trust which perhaps allowed me to participate without any feelings of distress. I don’t think I remembered the events at the time. It was as if it was buried deeply in my mind but I did become very fond of my spinning top which gave out a soft whining sound as I pumped it up to full speed, the red and white stripes turning into a pink blur. When I sat down to produce pictures in my sketchbook, one picture emerged which did produce a memory. That of me showing froglet my spinning top in action and excitedly telling him that it was just like their spaceship and made a similar sound and spun around just as fast.. I wasn’t aware that I knew what one looked like at the time. This was aged about 4 years old. My spinning top was like an old friend and for a long while my very favourite and most simple of toys.
One of the earliest things I remember which was not so deeply buried was my agreeing to be part of a project with them. They asked me for my consent and explained that it would be something that would become part of my life, that it was special and that I was to tell nobody about it. She said ‘you’re a very special boy but you can’t tell anyone because if you do, you won’t be special anymore’. It was how I learned to keep a secret and as I grew up, I became very good at keeping other peoples secrets.
I had learned to never tell anyone what I wished for for it would never come true if I did. I remember asking her why me.. she replied that I was a very curious boy and that quite rarely for humans, my curiosity was stronger than my fear. That she said made me an excellent participant and not many people would have been able to say yes.
I think the fact that she treated me like an adult, able to make my own decisions, made me trust in her and it made me feel very grown up. It also fostered in me a distinct dislike of adults who treated children as dumb, especially the ones I would encounter who would talk about you when you were there as if you couldn’t hear what they were saying or didn’t understand. I was lucky though and my primary school teachers and most of the friends of my parents were very nice people and would happily engage me in conversations where I would usually have plenty to say about various matters.
I was growing up quick and by four I had started school, had a new set of friends, could read fluently and was deeply involved in my own world of inner thought and dreams at night and during the day.. I thought I was the luckiest boy alive. I found a great interest in the books of Roald Dahl. James and the Giant Peach seemed inspired and written with a knowledge of what I was experiencing. I felt a great empathy for Charlie in the Chocolate Factory and Great Elevator books and was inspired slightly later when I read Fantastic Mister Fox for his bravery and quick witted outdoing of the farmers intent on his destruction. Dr Seuss was also a great influence. I found his strange creatures very normal and loved the way his nonsense language and novel concepts were both fun, practical and completely unreal.
I fell in love with Bugs Bunny, another magical creature who seemed invincible, charismatic and another magical being of super powers. My heroes would continue to be unreal non human characters from the realms of childhood fiction.
As a boy I longed for the summer months, of warm days and being outside, of collecting and studying insects. Of fishing with my trusty net. I think it was also because that’s when they visited.
I am sure part of the excitement of summer was the expectation that they would return when the days were long and thunderstorms brought anticipation of our meetings. I would notice that they would stop coming when autumn came and thought that Christmas and the prospect of snow was at least something to look forward to over the winter months.